Divorce (Divorces) is when a marriage fails, the two parties involved face serious psychological issues. When people make plans for a specific future and life with another person, it can be extremely difficult when that trajectory abruptly shifts and they must adapt to a new way of life. Yes, that is why the marriage process has not been so simple and has required a lot of process so that one can be certain of the commitment they are making. It’s a shame that some people play with this union while others think otherwise after staying together, resulting in Zimbabwe recording 1351 divorce applications for the year 2021 alone.
The logistics of dividing assets, potentially moving, and determining custody are all stressful. Almost everyone who has gone through it will tell you that feelings of embarrassment, guilt, or regret are common. People also think about their own situations instead of offering help, as if you’ve been infected with the divorce virus and they shouldn’t get too close or they’ll catch it as well. All of this eventually leads to isolation.
According to Dowd, the process can be especially traumatic for those who have previously struggled with attachment or depression. “The significance and process of separating from a loved one can trigger past traumas, attachment issues, and emotional deregulation.” People with a history of addiction or maladaptive coping mechanisms are especially vulnerable due to the intensity of their emotions.
It’s worth noting that certain personality types and traits may predispose someone to divorce in the first place. According to Fisher’s theory, four brain systems are associated with personality traits: the dopamine, serotonin, testosterone, and estrogen systems.
People who are highly expressive of the dopamine system of the brain are [generally] risk-takers, novelty seekers, curious, creative, spontaneous, energetic, and mentally flexible. “I would predict that this type of person would be more likely to be restless in a long relationship,” Fisher says.
“People who are very high on the serotonin system, on the other hand, are conventional; they’re traditional; they conform to social norms.” They adhere to the rules and respect authority. They enjoy schedules, rules, and plans. They are more practical than theoretical thinkers. They are usually religious. And I would guess that these people are less likely to divorce.”
Barriers to cross when getting a divorce
There is no set timeline or playbook for this process; everyone’s journey is unique, and people must remember to take care of themselves before they can move forward. The loss of a loved one is heartbreaking. It is critical for both people to process their emotions and experiences, not only to help make sense of the traumatic life event they have just experienced, but also to prepare themselves for a more hopeful future.
There are also numerous practical obstacles to overcome when getting a divorce, which can impede the healing process. Divorces do not happen overnight, so it takes time to recover from them. When you want a divorce, you must go through the legal system. It could take a long time. And it takes time for people to recover after a marriage or divorce. Happiness does not arrive immediately following the divorce.
Unfortunately, whether you initiate the divorce or are served with papers, these obstacles can have an impact on you and make the process difficult. Those who did not initiate the divorce often spend more time in denial, needing to accept the reality of the situation more slowly because the other partner had more time to prepare for the news. Nonetheless, both partners will find the process difficult. Either party may be angry, guilty, hurt, doubtful, and believe that promises were broken or that the other did not try hard enough.
Helping you take each stage at a time
The stages of divorce are similar to the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. They can be presented as below;
- Denial: Denial is not accepting divorce as your reality. It’s used as a defense mechanism, so people don’t feel too emotionally overwhelmed. You will see a person walking confidently and think that they are not affected but deep down, they are wounded.
- Anger: Emotions run high in the next stage after suppressing them when in denial; people channel these emotions into hatred and blame during the anger stage. There is a say that goes, “pressing down a big spring will at one-point escape removing one’s eye”.
- Bargaining: Couples going through divorce often look back at their marriage and replay moments they think could have impacted the outcome. This leads to bargaining—one partner trying to work things out and promising to make changes or doubting/questioning if he or she made the right decision. Bargaining is an attempt to pump the breaks and get your old life back, but it will be too late.
- Depression: Depression is when the reality of the situation sets in, and it’s the toughest and often longest stage.
- Acceptance: Lastly, acceptance is when you make peace with the situation and can find hope for the future. People may start to feel like their old selves again or have a renewed sense of freedom and relief. Acceptance doesn’t mean all negative emotions are gone, but people will see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s important to remember that grief comes in waves and is not a linear journey.”
Conclusion
Of course, some couples try to avoid these stages by approaching it with a positive attitude—think Gwyneth Paltrow’s famous “conscious uncoupling.” This approach has the potential to be effective. When done correctly, it strives to consider everyone’s well-being, including both parents and children. Mutual respect and self-awareness are the two most important pillars of conscious uncoupling. The goal is to remove the drama and antagonism from the divorce process, allowing them to untangle their lives while maintaining peace.